Some thoughts on the day before Christina’s wedding:
A year’s worth of planning, ordering, shopping and arranging is about to culminate tomorrow. Family is arriving from other states and the excitement is building, leaving us all feeling joyful, but exhausted.
Thank heavens I had the foresight to attend to most of the details by now…..except for one……the seating chart, which I have managed to procrastinate until the absolute last moment.
This has been a worrisome element due to the old feuds percolating between certain family members who would still (after 23 years) consider mixing it up in a cage match if given half a chance.
I believe that I have figured out an acceptable seating arrangement so that the troublesome factions will be separated by 40 other (reasonably happy) people and a cake table. Who can possibly be in a bad mood when there’s a delicious dessert to consider? Cake: the great equalizer and soother of ragged nerves.
The rehearsal is tonight, and the folks in question will come together for the first time in many years. I suspect that most of them will be on good behavior while at the venue practicing tomorrow’s events, but the real test will be the dinner afterwards when the liquor begins to flow and boundaries are tested.
I have been asked repeatedly if I am drinking more these days to manage stress levels and calm my nerves, and I have to say that it’s never been my way to douse my emotions with alcohol. I would much rather put on some beloved movie I’ve seen a million times and curl up on the couch with a gigantic bowl of ice cream. If Karl Marx were living today, he might agree that religion is not the opiate of the people…..but fatty, sugary junk food IS.
Christina’s bridesmaids took her to San Francisco for her bachelorette party where she was treated to a lap dance by a large, black transvestite in a skimpy maid’s costume. Christina looked adorable in her bachelorette head gear: a veil with a multitude of purple plastic penises dangling from it. I am positive that her children will get great enjoyment from seeing these photographs one day…..